Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i think my cat just said my name.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
