Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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