I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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