So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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