I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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