I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Randomize
