the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
