I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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