so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
