I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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