I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
