at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
