do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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