put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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