11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
