what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
