so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
