Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
