I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
