Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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