I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it was like eating out sand paper
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
