My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
