i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize