i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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