dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
