I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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