Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
