Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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