While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
