I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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