I hate all girls vehemently.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
