My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize