Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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