it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
