Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
