I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
