I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
