at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
