can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
