Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
