Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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