At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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