Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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