It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
