I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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