Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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