I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
