you lied. pity sex is amazing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
