They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
