You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
