you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
