So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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