Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
