You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
