yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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