Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
