he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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