I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
