dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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