Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

i jhust puked up my retainher.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

i wish you could fill a pinata with booze

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(302): View more from Delaware

Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..

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(707): View more from California

There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.

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(727): View more from Florida

You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?

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