At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
