if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
