Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
