Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
