My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
