her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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