respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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