I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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