so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
