gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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