we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
