worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
