can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
