I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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