My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
